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Reflection and Change

Reflection is a key component of change for the criminal thinker.  The Merriam-Webster dictionary offers nine different definitions for this word and several of them provide insight for persons seeking a positive change in their lives.  One of the first definitions of the word is “the production of an image by or as if by a mirror.”  This is an excellent definition of the role of change agents in the lives of offenders.  Many cognitive-behavioral counselors and therapists see their purpose as holding up a mirror to the victimizer that enters treatment.  Their job is to help abusers see the truth and consequences of their actions.  They succeed when they are able to build a sense of self-disgust in the client.  Criminal thinkers must develop a healthy sense of self-disgust for what they have done and what they have become.  Self-pity is self-defeating, but self-disgust motivates positive change.  Unless the criminal thinker can view themselves honestly in the mirror and experience the disgust that goes along with acknowledging the harm they have caused, they are bound to continue repeating patterns of violence and abuse while minimizing, blaming and distorting the truth of their actions.

The second relevant definition of the word “reflection” for the changing criminal is a thought, idea, or opinion formed or a remark made as a result of meditation.  The most common meditation criminal thinkers perform is the premeditated actions of planning and committing crimes.  Meditation on the ripple effect of those crimes is far from their thinking.  In order for change to occur the changing criminal must constantly check their motivations and thinking.  They must reflect on the decisions they made each day and identify all the times they used harmful thinking tactics which have become a habit in their lives.  Thinking tactics such as manipulation, controlling others, belittling, minimizing, distorting the truth and divert attention away from themselves must be identified and replaced with their natural opposites.   Instead of minimizing the harm that their actions caused, they should maximize it.  Instead of diverting attention away from themselves when held accountable, they should keep the focus on themselves to experience full accountability for their actions.

A radical approach to change is needed for radically distorted thinking that has resulted in countless victims, violence, and pain.

Selective Perception and Memory

Don't ForgetCriminal Thinkers are notorious for having selective perception.  They pay attention to the details that benefit and support their way of viewing the world.  They remember events and situations that justify their irresponsible and criminal behavior and discard and forget the central role that their decisions and lifestyle played in their current reality.

Memory is a curious thing.  Many of us think that we have poor memories, especially when we quickly forgot someone’s name that we just met.  We sometimes forget what were just about to do or where we put our dang keys!  However, our memories are filled with millions of facts, figures, emotions, and ideas that we can recall in an instant.  The key to thinking change is using the great capacity that resides in our memory.  A person seeking lasting change in their lives must begin to redefine the meaning attached to their memories.  They must continually reevaluate negative situations in their life and discover the role they played in causing the situation in the first place.  The criminal thinker continually uses the thinking error of “victimstance” to blame others for situations they caused themselves.  When the thought about blaming others enters their mind, they must immediately focus on what they could have done, and what they can still do, to prevent further injury and victimization to others as well as themselves.

Re-scripting (aka: rewriting) one’s memory will only happen through intentional, continuous practice.  A common practice among self-help groups is to take a moral inventory of one’s life daily.  For the changing criminal/addict or abuser, that means thinking back through ones day and remembering all the thoughts and situations where they blamed others for their negative feelings and situations.  Writing these situations down in a journal or notebook is an excellent way to literally re-script our thoughts and therefore our lives.  Our thoughts define our actions.  Our actions define our character.  Our character defines our life.

Research is Required

Any positive plan for change involves a significant amount of research.  Research is a prescription for ignorance and requires an open mind, a spirit of discovery and a willingness to look beyond oneself for answers.  Many irresponsible thinkers have a ‘know-it-all’ attitude that prevents them from identifying changes that are necessary in their lives.  By acknowledging that they must look outside of themselves for change and growth to occur, they are taking the first necessary step in the change process.

Simple examples of looking outside of oneself may include:

  1. Asking someone what it takes to succeed in a boring job
  2. Asking someone to help you learn to read or write better
  3. Asking for feedback about your character flaws (and not contradicting, minimizing or arguing with the feedback!)
  4. Asking what it takes to live a clean and sober life
  5. Reading a book about recovery, a desired job skill or self improvement
  6. Searching the internet for local support groups, discovering the differences between them, and attending an upcoming meeting

Even if the changing person does not believe that research is required to change their life, they must act as if it is required in order for them to at least get started!  Going through the motions of change, even when the mind is not ready, can result in future meaningful changes.  To keep our bodies moving in the right direction we need to act as if we are responsible, as if we want to change and as if we desire sobriety so that our minds will eventually catch up to our actions.  In Alcoholics Anonymous it is said, ‘bring the body and the mind will follow.’  This axiom is also true for changes required in our thinking.

Reading for Receptivity and Change

Receive, Read, Research, Remember, Reflect and Respond. The second “R,” in this list of actions to become inspired with the truth, is “Read.”  In Rick Warren’s book, the Purpose Driven Life, this second “R” is about reading the bible.  However, reading many positive, life-affirming books can help us understand the truth about living a responsible and victim-free life.  One of the benefits of reading for an addict and criminal thinker is that the book can’t be interrupted.  When criminal thinkers hear something that they dislike or disagree with they tend to cut the conversation short or interrupt and argue their point of view.  Reading the printed word allows distorted thinking to slowly be replaced with positive concepts.  A book can’t be interrupted unless it is closed so challenge yourself to pick up a book and read daily!

Destructive and distorted thinking is the result of many bad thinking habits such as closing off what we don’t want to hear or continually viewing oneself as a victim in situations that we could have prevented.  Reading books about taking personal responsibility, changing one’s habits and achieving legitimate success is a critical practice for anyone interested in lasting change. If you don’t know where to start, ask a counselor, responsible friend, pastor or your local librarian about a good book recommendation!  There is a vast universe of knowledge available to everyone on their journey through sobriety, criminal freedom and earthly and spiritual wellness.

A few good books to consider for someone early in recovery are:

The six “R’s” of receptivity and change

Sorry we're closedThe ‘Closed Channel Thinking’ error consists of three distinct parts; no disclosure, not receptive, no self-criticism.  Any one of these components will lead to a closed thinking channel which is required for meaningful change and growth.  Thankfully, there are many ways to keep an open channel which will allow for the possibility of being positively influenced and receptive to change.  In the book, the Purpose Driven Life, five R’s are suggested that can help the recovering criminal thinker and even the responsible ones among us on that journey. I added a sixth:

  • Receive
  • Read
  • Research
  • Remember
  • Reflect
  • Respond

First we need to RECEIVE the message.  Receiving a positive message means allowing yourself to hear it.  Listening is more important than speaking for someone interested in learning and change.  My mother used to tell me God gave you two ears and one mouth so you should listen twice as much as you speak!  If you feel like closing the door on someone who is speaking the truth or running away from the responsible voice of a friend, it is at those times we must be the most open.  When the message hurts and challenges our fundamental beliefs we can engage in active listening and challenge ourselves to see what is true about our selves in the message.  If our first instinct is to quickly respond and contradict the message we are receiving, we should do the opposite and discover how the message is true in our lives.  If it is too emotional a task at the moment to respond with kindness and humility, assume the posture of openness and thank the person for their feedback and tell them honestly that you will look into it.  The feedback we most despise is often the very key to fundamental change and growth.

The next blog post will focus on Reading as a method to maintaining a clear and open channel of thinking!

Servanthood and Thinking Changes are Congruent

There are countless books on leadership, goal setting and personal growth in our society. Oprah has even developed a new show on her “OWN” network called ‘Master Class.’ The show highlights the life work and achievements of prominent people in society. However, there are many fewer resources, TV shows, books, seminars and college classes dedicated to the concept of servanthood.

According to Merriam Webster, servanthood is defined as “one who services others; especially: one that performs duties about the person or home of a master or personal employer.” Our culture especially abhors even the idea of having a master. Since our country was built on the despicable institution of slavery that perspective is perfectly understandable. However, whether we admit it or not, we are all servants of something. For some it is their career, for others it is money. For those who are faithful to the practices of a peace-loving religion, servanthood is a countercultural approach to life. For those interested in extreme thinking and lifestyle changes, servanthood provides a strong foundation to countering destructive patterns of thinking and behavior.

Developing a servanthood perspective in one’s thinking and behavior is thoroughly consistent with cognitive-behavioral approaches to changing the distorted thinking patterns of the Power Thrust, Uniqueness and Criminal Pride.

  • Power Thrust: The compelled need to be in control of every situation
  • Uniqueness: Sees self as different and better than others
  • Criminal Pride: False Pride

The act of serving others requires us to put others needs before our own thereby counterbalancing and preventing us from engaging in controlling behaviors. Thoughts that center on power over and control of others can be replaced with their polar opposites. When criminal thinkers feel like screaming at their children for missing the bus again and then consider ways to punish and belittle them, they must learn to stop and realize they must not attempt to control others. They must accept that aggressive controlling behavior is a failure to make the necessary changes needed in their lives. They must stop and think about the negative ripple effect of consequences, in their life and the lives of those around them, that their controlling behavior has caused. Helping a child to discover, experience and learn from the natural consequences of their misbehavior requires no aggressive or demeaning behavior. Hurtful words and actions are a result of automatic and uncreative thinking.

Reading with a sense of purpose

One of my favorite things to do is to read with a sense of purpose.  One of my most favorite management books is the Seven Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen Covey.  My father gave me this book many years ago when I was a drug and alcohol counselor at Rock Valley Correctional Programs in Beloit, WI.  I read each chapter with the clear intention to apply what I learned to my work in that organization.  So many of the principles seemed to directly relate to my work with offenders.  I was encouraged that other counselors were also reading the book so I assumed they would also be trying to apply what they learned to their work.  The book had such an impact on my thinking that I couldn’t see how anyone could read it and not want to immediately apply the lessons to their own lives and the lives of their clients!  I quickly learned that reading does not necessarily result in action.  Many of my colleagues continued with their work life in the same manner as before which was quite a shock to me.  How can someone read such excellent and practical words and not make a change?  In reality, it happens every day in the lives of our clients as well as in our own lives.  Just reading or listening is often not enough to motivate us to action.  We need to make a decision that we will learn and apply the knowledge of others in our lives.  Similar to the third step of Alcoholics Anonymous, which says, “Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him,” we cannot grow and change if we are not willing to take that next intellectual step of deciding to change.

"An approach to the treatment of offenders which emphasizes the role of altering thinking patterns in bringing about change in an offender's life."